Response to yet another anonymous comment

To "Anonymous" who posted in my last blog entry.

I do not understand what point you are trying to make by thinking my spelling has anything to do with my spiritual status or the pedastil on which you feel I stand

My english may not be the greatest and I do not feel I am higher or proudful of my thoughts and actions. On the contrary, I am everyday scared and frustrated by all of this and I feel very alone in this walk.

It is funny that the only books I read are christian books. I hold books written by Andrew Murray, Charles Finney, John Wesley, Jonothan Edwards and many other great revivalists. I enjoy reading letters from the early church fathers and have actually picked up my dusty bible once again in the past 2 months. So your argument on what I read fell a bit flat there. Majority of my reading and research are on the topic of christianity and done my christian authors.

Your comment left about my current state is nothing in which I will argue. As a matter of fact I tend to agree with what you say and I have heard the same thing through a few responses. Do yourself the favor and read through some of the responses.

My comments on the last topic were risen due to some church services I have recently visited as well as some good friends of mine.

My frustration lies with the church today. This is why I am still captivated by God and have not thrown my bible away. I read what God intended for us and I have realised where I fall short. The problem is when I read these books by early christian writers and revivalists, as well as my bible, a lot of things in the church dont make sense. As well as its people.

One of the reasons I left the church was due to the fact that ther was no power in peoples preaching and people carried on in their daily lives the same as everyone else, but felt the right to preach. I could not live like that, hence the struggle with the church and its people.

When is this "greatest failure"? My friend, I have tried to put as best in to writing the way in which my soul has cried and ached on the past. Bearing in my mind that my spelling is "atrocious" and I struggle to put my thoughts into words, nothing I say can describe what I went through in the 6 months after I walked away from God.

My greatest failure and struggle in my life was the time I walked away! It is something I have tried to forget but I cant.

I'm going to end by saying this.

I'm am not athiest, but I am not christian yet. I hold a belief and a desire for God. I do hold the desire for the christian God. It does burn in me but it is a struggle I am going through. I cannot deny God, but I cannot deny the things I have seen in this world.

I want God to be real, but just because I want Him to be, doesn't mean he is!

Delusion of Christians in their perception to the world

One thing that never siezes to amaze me is the way christians seem to be so ignorant to what is really happening in the world.

There always seems to be some biblical answer to everything, if there is not, we need to just have faith in God that he knows best and does everything for a reason.

They have created such an illusion in everything that they seem to always "praise God" for anything that happens. For christians God is the reason everything happens. Yet when something bad happens ,it was not God's will.

I have tried going back to church a few times but I am so tired of the whole "dreamy, head high up in the clouds" attitude.

After leaving the church , I went into some really dark places and I am happy to say that my eyes were opened to a whole other world that is completely different to what christians percieve it to be.

I am also tired of how christians preach as though they know exactly what the world is. Yet most of these people I have found in church have never really experienced anything in the world that would make their conversion and lifestyle anything significant.

"I was a sinner" , "I was lost" "without God there would be no point in living" are a few statements made. Yet when you query their lifestyle before they were christian, they were not much different.

I am not saying all christians are the same. Some of them have been raped, molested, been involved in drugs, drinking, anything you would like to conjure up. I do not see any reason in which a faith in God can be bad if it helps as a crutch and has made their lives for the better.

I look of websites and upcoming events in south africa and I see all these "life changing" conferences coming up. There us this "Passion" tour coming in South africa. When I was still in my youth group I remember these events had the same tags! "Life changing","Revival", they all had a "vision" that they were going to carry out for God.

For the past 8 years I have heard the word revival so many times it has become redundant. "Now is the time for revival", yeah, they said that 2 years ago. They are so convinced that God is moving in the world, gees, from my side I see it getting worse!

If you really look at the church, as I have seen in the past few years, all that happens is that people come and go. The numbers stay the same. One person leaves, another one joins. Give him a few months and he will also leave.

I was crying revival 5 years ago when everyone was convinced there was a huge movement of the Holy Spirit and the whole area was going to experience it! People were crying revival and change when the movie "The passion of Christ" came out. I remember people on the TV were telling us how the movie was going to change the world.

Carry on.... Carry on babbling in tongues, carry on convincing yourself that the Holy Spirit is moving. Carry on in your belief that the whole world is lost without you. Carry on in your belief that the world is hurting.

Carry on in your delusion that you are usefull to this world, because you have become so self centred in your opinions and so segregated from the world, there is really no use for you anymore. I dont think the world would notice if you disappeared. You were never there anyway!


Carry on....