To "Anonymous" who posted in my last blog entry.
I do not understand what point you are trying to make by thinking my spelling has anything to do with my spiritual status or the pedastil on which you feel I stand
My english may not be the greatest and I do not feel I am higher or proudful of my thoughts and actions. On the contrary, I am everyday scared and frustrated by all of this and I feel very alone in this walk.
It is funny that the only books I read are christian books. I hold books written by Andrew Murray, Charles Finney, John Wesley, Jonothan Edwards and many other great revivalists. I enjoy reading letters from the early church fathers and have actually picked up my dusty bible once again in the past 2 months. So your argument on what I read fell a bit flat there. Majority of my reading and research are on the topic of christianity and done my christian authors.
Your comment left about my current state is nothing in which I will argue. As a matter of fact I tend to agree with what you say and I have heard the same thing through a few responses. Do yourself the favor and read through some of the responses.
My comments on the last topic were risen due to some church services I have recently visited as well as some good friends of mine.
My frustration lies with the church today. This is why I am still captivated by God and have not thrown my bible away. I read what God intended for us and I have realised where I fall short. The problem is when I read these books by early christian writers and revivalists, as well as my bible, a lot of things in the church dont make sense. As well as its people.
One of the reasons I left the church was due to the fact that ther was no power in peoples preaching and people carried on in their daily lives the same as everyone else, but felt the right to preach. I could not live like that, hence the struggle with the church and its people.
When is this "greatest failure"? My friend, I have tried to put as best in to writing the way in which my soul has cried and ached on the past. Bearing in my mind that my spelling is "atrocious" and I struggle to put my thoughts into words, nothing I say can describe what I went through in the 6 months after I walked away from God.
My greatest failure and struggle in my life was the time I walked away! It is something I have tried to forget but I cant.
I'm going to end by saying this.
I'm am not athiest, but I am not christian yet. I hold a belief and a desire for God. I do hold the desire for the christian God. It does burn in me but it is a struggle I am going through. I cannot deny God, but I cannot deny the things I have seen in this world.
I want God to be real, but just because I want Him to be, doesn't mean he is!
Monday, May 12, 2008
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11 comments:
Hello Mark,
I stumbled upon your blog and I agree with you. It is hard to step out of the box of a society that had been, and still is, controlled by christianity and its laws. I have felt alone myself ever since I denounced the religion (age 17) and I had months of fights with my parents after I told them I am not a christian. I still have fights because of the evil I surround myself with etc. I am now 23 and I find myself constantly remembering what it was like to live with the guilt and the fear of eternal fire. I know now with every ounce of my being that religion is the enemy and murderer of free thought and reason. And to use the biblical quote: The truth shall set you free.
I invite you to watch- if you have access to it- the movie Zeitgeist(www.zeitgeistmovie.com).
If you would like to chat you can email me or check out my own blog. I am going through a similar journey so maybe we can help eachother :)
have a good one
sincerely
jacolene
John 5:39 - "You study the Scriptures, because you think that in them you will find eternal life. And these very Scriptures speak about me! Yet you are not willing to come to me in order to have life"
I don't know about a testimony but I can tell you I knew that religion is a made up - lets pretend to be christians or whatever religion- thing probably around age 10. I was forced to go to chrurch every sunday, I was forced to sunday school, to church camps. Hated every moment- in high school when I refused to go- i was guilt tripped and I hated that too. To me christianity has been a prison and I felt I was there to free my parents from the "eternal fire" because of a promise they made when they baptized me. I had no choice. Strange thing is- my sister is the exact opposite- but she has always been very naive. Anyways- I find myself exploring all kinds of religious practises- at the moment I think Satanism is extremely appealing. All about serving the god within. Very peaceful actually. It doesn't give a shit about christianity or any other religion because it despises ignorance. I won't say I belong to a religion or that I am searching for god. Rather that I am experiencing was life has to offer. If I find a scense of peace within myself along the way- great. If I don't- fuckit- as long as I enjoyed it. And if it turns out that I burn in an eternal hell than at least I will know that I enjoyd the life I had and enjoyd the people I love. For that I will suffer.
I see you have another anonymous reply- bet you they're affraid of putting their names on the internet. Might put a voodoo spell on it or something- LOL!!!!
Go well.....
Jacolene
Guys,
You haven't met Jesus. Its as simple as that - you speak about "Christianity". Well its not about a "religion" - it is about a person called Jesus. And He is as real as it gets. I would hate to subject myself to some set of rules made up by some dead guy - that would be ignorant. The fantastic news is that Jesus came to destroy the god of Satanism - Lucifer - and his works - so that we can have abundant life. Why should I say who I am? I want to tell you about Jesus, not myself. However, just to settle the score, when I was young, I met Jesus and I was baptised in the Holy Spirit - my scores at school jumped about 15% to over 90% on average - Jesus gave me straight A's, free tuition and a free degree (scholarships). He gave me wisdom instead of ignorance. On top of all of that, He gave me abundant life. Now, any other god is going to rob, steal and destroy EVERYTHING in your life (no matter how nice it seems now). So the choice is yours - Jesus will give you eternal life starting NOW, or you can carry on with NOW life for eternity, but its going to get a lot worse... He loves you, died for you and lives for you. Just repent and believe and trust the person of Jesus - its really that simple.
Dear Anonymous (I presume it is your Christian name?),
You seem very angry, but the message I left was for my new friend Mark. But seeing as you want a response from me, here goes:
your ignorance about the enemy religion satanism is absolutely astounding but not your fault. Churches teach you all you will ever know about the subject and you accept it as truth. (yes, you are sitting there and thinking with anger in your heart that Jesus is the Truth and the Light and will save you from yourself). Lucifer is one of the Lords of Hell. He is often refered to as the bringer of Light, the morning star, the truth. Same goes for the Egyptian god Horus, and numerous other gods in the ancient world. Christianity borrowed everything it is based on, on the beliefs and practices of pagan religions 2000 years ago.
Another point: don't you think that the fact that you did so well in school of what not is because of hard work. The fact that maybe you put a little more effort into your work. Well done, btw. (not sarcastic mind you).
I don't want to know more about Jesus because I have had my fair share. i probably know more about the bible than you do. My dad actually was a sunday school teacher for years and my mom played the organ in their church- so I was spoon fed the stuff.
Please learn to tolerate and not preach. I will never try to persuade anyone to convert to any form of belief system because it is very personal. Everyone has a different way of expressing their spirituality. i am glad that you have so much faith in your idea of a god, but do not force it down peoples throats- they might just start puking in your face.
And don't feel offended- it's not you- it's me darling. :)
ps. what's up mark!sorry i hi-jacked your comments- hiehie!
Dear Jacolene,
You seem to have been introduced to knowledge, but not Jesus. Jesus is a living person - He is alive now, and you can talk to Him now! I don't want to know about Jesus, I want to know Him. You shouldn't want to know more about Jesus either, you need to know Him. I don't know how else to put it - you shouldn't care if you know the Bible backwards, its not about knowledge - its about Jesus. And Jesus is not borrowed - every religion on this earth (knowing Jesus is not a religion) is a subtle twist of the same theme: you are god. Even Aetheism falls into that category, doesn't it? You have even confessed that you are your own god - you do whatever you want to, so long as you enjoy it. Every religion does the same - it provides a plan for saving yourself thus making you God. All religion is evil. Jesus loves you - with a mega love that you can never truly imagine. That's not preaching - that's great news. There's a super, eternal person out there who thinks you're the greatest and wants to give you real life. How does that constitute preaching? And if I sound angry, it is probably because of the urgency that I feel. How close have you come to death? Maybe as close as I have - but you should realise how short your life is at that moment. Its urgent!
PS – Sorry for the blogjack, Mark!
Anonymous still,
In the time your supposed alive jesus lived the romans had control over palastine yet not one roman historian or other ever mentioned a preacher or prophet known by the name of Jesus. The only documented evidence is in the bible and one other historical document which was determined to be a forged but still regarded as proof nontheless. The bible was adjusted and edited by the emperor constatinos in the 4th century to back-up his campaign to wipe out pagan religions because one religion = better control. The point is, you cannot be loved by someone who never existed and they cannot be alive if they were never born. I ask you- think for a minute that the bible did not exist, and you never heard a pastor utter a word. Would you still feel the urge to tell people to convert to loving a man who is part of the biggest work of fiction in the known history of man. Please don't try to convince me of the absolute urgency of your christian ignorance. I am not interested. The fact that you just proclaimed yourself God in your comment had made you sin. The fact that you believe in jesus without believing in his father has just proved my point. I seriously do not think if any god, demi-god or son of a god existed, they would think twice about mere mortals. The fact is- you want an explanation of what controls your life. Here is the truth: no one and nothing controls your life, no god or anything representing it. The urgency you should feel is seeing life for what it is. Just life. No magic, miracles nothing. It is just, by chance, life. And that is the simplistic beauty of it.
please send me your email address so we can continue our tiresome discussion without using someone elses personal space.
Jacolene still,
"Before Tacitus, Suetonius or Josephus, Thallus wrote about the crucifixion of Jesus. His writing date to circa 52 A.D. and the passage on Jesus was contained in Thallus' work on the Eastern Mediterranean world from the Trojan War to 52 A.D. Thallus noted that darkness fell on the land at the time of the crucifixion. He wrote that such a phenomenon was caused by an eclipse."
"Begum Sahib," Nur-jan said, her plump face full of emotion, "I have something to tell you. Do you remember how you have so often told us that if we want to know this Jesus all we have to do is ask Him to come into our heart?" At this she broke into tears. "Well I did, Begum Sahib. And He did come in. I have never felt such love, ever, in my whole life!" (I Dared to Call Him Father pgs 134 & 135)
Do you think this simple Pakitstani maid enquired about the historical Jesus? She didn't have to - she experienced Him - why would she need historical evidence (even though there is plenty of it)?
"The fact that you just proclaimed yourself God in your comment had made you sin." Read it again, Jacolene - I said nothing of the sort.
Personally, I find it far more exciting that MANY people around the world are folowing this conversation (ClustrMaps) - so you can be sure that I won't sacrifice this wonderful opportunity just to share Jesus in a private email conversation!
http://www.bede.org.uk/jesusmyth.htm
hi mark - thats if u actually read ur own comments - im someone who's kind of going thru the same thing: well, i swore off the whole christianity thing about three years ago, for a whole lot of reasons. i'v kind of come back to it, not in the way the church wants us to believe, but in my own way. one thing that ive never doubted tho was that there is a god - simply because i can't answer the question "how can there not be?". but now i believe that christianity is just one of the ways to understand God - thats its taught so simply and basically with stories from the past because in actual fact, thats probably the only way most of mankind could understand it (we are in Africa after all, u should know). I believe the meanings that come out of its symbolism (even the birth of jesus and his death) are what we are supposed to take away. one cannot deny that if one lives the life of a "real christian" - if its possible to do it without cyncism, ignorant tho they may be, they are forefilled, they are direction filled, they feel loved. i think that is the greatest gift of all. the same with islam, the same with hindus. i think they're all just ways to understand God, cos otherwise, how could we even begin to? yes, christians are deluded, ignorant etc, but i'v reached the point where I'm taking from Christianity what I want from it, understanding it in my own way - u dont hav to be deluded or ignorant. I have my own faith. Christianity may be based on a bible put together by random men 1500 years ago, and based on pagan teachings, but i believe it's lasted for a reason. I dont for a second think that I'm somehow smarter than generations of people who've followed Jesus. Its a way of understanding God - and sometimes, when understoood correctly it works. Throughout history: pagans, ancient greeks, romans, egyptians and even africans have made up stories of different gods - I just kind of figure, it really doesnt matter what name u give them, how many or few they or He is, God is there. If any of that makes sense.
- Charlene
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