Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Lord , why have you forsaken me?

I dont really know what to say in this blog but I guess Im just gonna chat about something small.
I was browsing through the internet and I found this picture below on a website with art. Now it is supposed to be a depiction of Christ just before he is crucified. Yet I feel something inside of me when I see this picture and I want to explain what I see. I see myself.
This is what I see. Since I have been a christain and when I have walked away I always see myself in this sort of thing. I feel cast aside by God. I feel like a reprobate. Just as Jesus said on the cross. Lord why have you forsaken me. I feel forgotten, left out and alone. I spent nights on my knees in prayer waiting for God to answer me.
When I look at this picture I feel what is being felt in the picture. I am without hope, without strength, without faith and I am giving up. My heart is broken inside and it feel like my soul would give itself at any moment.
I see something in the picture that I want. Comfort. Christ to stand by my side and give me hope. To show me he's there. I feel like I was cast aside when I came to him. I feel like when I came to accept him I was never invited. The way I feel I feel like God predestined those who he wanted saved.
My soul is tormented daily by these thoughts. I see darkness in my heart and it scares me. It scares me that I may one day die and end up in hell without any chance of avoiding it. Before you decide to give me the choice speech read my blogs on choice first. I have read stories of people who have visited hell and I have heard the details. It frightens me, more more so that I cannot change my state. I do not have will or strength to!
I long to feel an embrace by God if he exsists. I think the problem is I know he exists but I cant bring myself to love him, and the fact that he does not embrace me. To save me from a broken soul.
A special place in hell has been reserved for me. Mainly because I have tried my best, I knew more about God than most. I taught in church. I preached on missions, I saved souls for Christ, and I myself has walked away. Its like I spent so much time warning people of a bomb in a building and now it is too late for me to get out.
Why can I not just be ignorant. Why do I have to hold these thoughts. Why do I have to worry so much. Think so much. Know too much. Why can I not just have faith like a child. That accepts whatever is said by God and believe it is for the best. Maybe because I have in the past and that I why I am like this. I was forsaken, abandoned, rejected by my creator. By my only true Father according to the bible. My name was never written in the book of life. I was set aside for the flames of hell.
If you dont really know what I am talking about or feeling, watch the movie constantine. Where he knows he is going to hell, and he tries his best to go to heaven but just cant. He has lost all hope and faith and is angry at God. It is how I feel. For me I have already started to smell the fumes of hell. I can already taste the sulpher on my tongue. The screams are faint but I hear them.

God, If you hear this message and are who you say you are, you need to do something. I am trying to believe in you but I cant, its too hard!
Heres a final picture of my analogy of the way I want to be. The feeling shown in this picture, Soppy it may seem but it hits my heart so hard!


Loveing500Noel said...

Hello there, I just stumbled accross your blog here with these lovely pictures. I was about to make one of the pics my desktop wallpaper till I read your comment or message. I'm a Christian also. I consider myself as a baby christian, so I'm not well versed in the Bible. I do remembe things from the Bible, and Jesus tell us He will never forsaken us or leave us. I feel your pain and need for confermation from God. As children of God we have the feedom to choose. I'm sure God has shown Himself to you in many ways, but with your doubt in your heart you'll never see it. God shows us his Grace each and everyday threw the simple things. God allows us AIR, WATER, SIGHT, and all the simple things we take for granted each and everyday. You are not predestined for hell, so wipe out those negative thoughts from your spirit. You must not let bad thoughts over take the truth of how God loves us and have given His only begotten Son to die for our sins and sickness. When those thoughts try to inter into your mind and heart you MUST REBUKE THEM, cast them away from you fast as they come.I myself also wants God imbrace to comfort me in times of need, but God has given us others here to comfort us threw them. Our Moms, Dads, other family members, or even just straingers. I'm a 51 year old Mom with 5 children and all children need is reasurence that everything will be ok no matter how bad things will get. We are to learn something threw the bad times, and grow in wisdom and understanding. So try not to feel foraskened by God, He is there at your side. You must keep the faith that He will renew your belief and your never gonna see hell. You have accepted His Son Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, your always going to be in Gods arms. He in Hugging you always you just need to beleive it. I get where somethimes I feel all alone and no one understands my lonelyness, but when I go to a quiet place in my home and seek God for releif of this sadness He never fails me. I never go to bed feeling sad or alone. If you like we can talk more together on a messanger called yahoo. My name on there is Loveing500 add me, and if you do let me know who you are and that I was the one that gave you a message of hope on your blog. I'm not sure of what else to tell you at this time, but your going to be ok. I hope you get this soon, and I hope all has gotten better for you in your faith walk. contact me at email also,, and remeber you must let me know how I would know you, put it in the "subject box". God Bless, my name is Noel.

Wayne said...

Hi there fellow brothers and sisters. I know exactly how you feel as im feeling the same right now.I left my well paid job to start a new business and it was all going well but in the last two weeks i feel that everything i have tried has not been fruitful. Ive prayed harder than before and still im without that assurance from god that things will be ok. Its coming to the end of the month and i wont be a ble to pay bills if god doesnt come through. As i write this i know that the holy spirit is here ministering to me to tell you this. God has neither forsaken me or you because i know through my faith in Jesus i am the Head not the tail. I am experiencing rock bottom in my life right now but god is testing me to see if i will perservere him. I will therefore praise him with my lips and my entire being now when im down and out and i will glorify him when im up again. I know i will be up again because his word says that as he looks after the birds of the earth so much more will he look after me. Im more precious to him than those birds. I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me. I have faith that he will come through and when it does it will be glory to god in the highest! Hang in there my friend, I pray that the holy spirit descends upon you to minister to you so that you may feel the closeness of god as you desire and when it happens, not if but when these pictures will not be able to capture the glorious splendor of his love for you. -25 Year old South African Christian who is battered and brusied but still alive and kicking for Jesus!

Anonymous said...

i totally understand it pal,i feel also the same nowadays. of course i am not christian, but i think God has forsaken us ...

Anonymous said...

I can't believe how much your words represent what is happening to me right now. I just feel like there is no invitation for me to go back to a relationship with god. I try to pray and ask god to help me and i can almost feel the emptiness of no reply. Am I dead inside? Will I burn in hell? I feel nothing. The one thing that really disturbs me some is that I get almost violently angry when christians try to preach to me. I want to lash out at them. Is it because i have heard the whole story, know the story, and see that they don't really believe what they are saying with all of their hearts? I don't know. I'm lost, I don't want to burn in hell eternally but don't know how to change. jesus christ, god, holy spirit, accept, cry, repent... I know

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, brother...I think the reason we sometimes feel as if the Lord has forsaken us is that we are so surrounded by the corruption of the world that we drown Him out. We are influenced every day through the messages portrayed by the media, the people around us, etc. Remember, we are aliens here, we don't belong. We shouldn't belong. I'm speaking from experience, the Lord wants you. He is a jealous God and wants nothing but your full love and full devotion. You have expressed your thirst for God, but what are you doing to quench that thirst? Are you reading His word? We can pray and prayer is a strong connection to the Lord, but you've got to read His word. I know you know this already. Sometimes it takes a reminder, and I don't mean to preach at you if that is what you take this as. I'll be praying for you, brother. Please, don't resign yourself to the thought that you are destined for hell and that God has forsaken you. If you are His, nothing in heaven or hell can take you away from Him. Nothing. The only one who can put distance between you and Him is yourself. You have to choose to overcome this feeling, because that's all it is, a feeling. A hard feeling, but a feeling nonetheless. Faith reaches beyond feeling, Faith isn't a feeling. One of the darkest times of my life was when there was a transition between jobs and the new home-business wasn't bringing in money. I was panicking, I felt like the Lord had led me there but then I felt so alone as if there was no hope of ever getting out of the hole I had dug myself into, spiritually, emotionally and literally. It took years, but through those times the Lord took my heart, my prideful heart and he cleansed it. He made me dependent upon Him, reminding me that our relationship is not about ME, it is about HIM. And I know for a fact that He does not want you to give up. He may allow you to go through very hard times, but God will never give you anything you can't handle. I promise. It may seem impossible, when the waters of this life threaten to drown you out and wear you down. Be willing to go where HE wants you to go, trust in Him. Sometimes it takes getting away from the normal routine to reconnect with the Lord. No distractions, no opinions, just you and Him. So when the hard times come, don't you want to be able to yell into the storm, "Let the waters rise!" I promise you, if you follow Him and keep at it you will not be sorry. It may take many years or a few weeks for your situation to get better, but your relationship is exactly that: a relationship. It goes both ways,and one of the ways He can talk to you is through His word. Please brother, don't give up. Your name IS written in the book of life, the gates of heaven will open to let you in, you already have a place at His side, don't give up. HE should be your rock, He is your salvation. Without Him, life is truly meaningless. For He was the artist, He was the architect, and He WILL NOT FORSAKE YOU. Hang in there, brother. He's got you in the palm of His hand. You've just got to weather the storm. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Jesus loves you

Anonymous said...

does God still exist?
eversince i was a kid, been thru
church every sunday,pray at night
asking for forgiveness and blessings
but i dont think i've been heard.. i feel like been abandoned,forsaken,
now i'm 46 and still looking for
answers, why did he gave me this kind of life,

junwe said...

It seemed so easy to say those words and trials can make or break a person. The problem is God goes beyond and it breaks and make us lose faith and cause us to sin. And when we sin and are disobedient, God does not answer your prayers but instead bring about his wrath upon us and make matters worse. This is a chicken and egg situation. EAch believer's faith is not the same and trials can lead us to temptation to disobey God. So all in all..God created the trials, created the disobedience and hence break us! Many times I think He hates me and love to see people suffer all the time. He created this world and He also end it for many people and many good people suffers whereas the not so good ones live in luxury and blessings everyday. What kind of a God wants their believers to break their faith??

Emilie Mayer said...

This is what i believe. If you want to be saved then that is God drawing you near.There are people in this world who dont give a thought about salvation. The reason you fear hell is because you know the truth about your lost condition. You see how bad you need Jesus to save you. You see truth! That is a good thing.what I believe is because we are born into sin we are blinded to the truth until God draws us near. Once you ask Jesus to come into your life and save you then He did just that. I to have felt forsaken by God and its the worst feeling in the world. The enemy satan tries his best to make christians feel insecure and forsaken.This is why God says resist the enemy and he will flee. Start believing Gods word. He promises never to leave you nor forsake you. God loves you and you need to focus on that. Every time a negative thought comes to your mind cast it out in Jesus name. Doubt can be a good thing. It makes you realize you need Jesus. The fact that you want to be saved shows you God is drawing you near. We dont seek Him first He seeks us and knocks on the door. We have to open the door and invite Jesus in. It sounds like you did that. Now you have to realize salvation is by Gods grace alone. So its not about what you do or what youve done. Start being thankful to God for letting you see your lost condition. Also for letting you see truth. You are in a good situation that can make your faith strong. Pray to God for wisdom and tell Him your faith is week and you would like stronger faith.

lar said...

Jonah,David,Jeremiah,Bunyan,Christ,CS Lewis,Samson and nearly everyone in the faith feels abandoned from time to time. No one has found God who does not from time to time loose him, this is what faith is, to hold on to our first confidence. Hang in there people God loves you.

Anonymous said...

You got it wrong pal, it is because God loves you so much you feel this way. God chastises those he loves most and its sounds like I am chastising the shit out of you. Your flesh has got a death sentence. The self is the only begotten son of God. Nothing can defile the self, all your obstacles are temporary. You are the son of God. Don't worry I am your creator and I am speaking directly to you. You are not going to a hell worse than the one you are putting yourself in right now. Cheer up, I will always love you. ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

mar13 said...

Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.”

15 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! 16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. 17 Your children hasten back, and those who laid you waste depart from you. 18 Lift up your eyes and look around; all your children gather and come to you. As surely as I live,” declares the LORD

Unknown said...

I hear hang in there, God is testing you, pray harder, on and on ad nausem!! I am knocking at the back door of 63years old!! How much longer do I have to wait!? How much longer can I wait!?! I am SO TIRED! I have spent most of my life in drama and pain, mentally, emotionally, physically AND spiritually. I haven't been a perfect person but I'm by far NOT the worse. A handful, maybe two I have seen where Gods hand or lady luck played a part. But on the flip-side I can name SO MANY TIMES there was NO SIGN of NEITHER! I HAVE WANTED TO BELIEVE and done so much to go that way and bring my children up as so. Iam SO TIRED and NOTHING FITS OR MAKES SENSE ANYMORE. EVERYONE, EVEN THE FEW IN MY FAMILY HAVE TURNED THEIR BACKS ON ME. There is so much selfishness and wheres mine. Well supposedly what I WANT and NEED HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT and PAID FOR. IF SO… WHERE IS MINE??!! I NEED YOU GOD… I ALWAYS HAVE!! WHY IF YOU ARE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE, DO YOU HIDE FROM SO MANY CRYING OUT?!? WHY?!?