Monday, May 12, 2008

Response to yet another anonymous comment

To "Anonymous" who posted in my last blog entry.

I do not understand what point you are trying to make by thinking my spelling has anything to do with my spiritual status or the pedastil on which you feel I stand

My english may not be the greatest and I do not feel I am higher or proudful of my thoughts and actions. On the contrary, I am everyday scared and frustrated by all of this and I feel very alone in this walk.

It is funny that the only books I read are christian books. I hold books written by Andrew Murray, Charles Finney, John Wesley, Jonothan Edwards and many other great revivalists. I enjoy reading letters from the early church fathers and have actually picked up my dusty bible once again in the past 2 months. So your argument on what I read fell a bit flat there. Majority of my reading and research are on the topic of christianity and done my christian authors.

Your comment left about my current state is nothing in which I will argue. As a matter of fact I tend to agree with what you say and I have heard the same thing through a few responses. Do yourself the favor and read through some of the responses.

My comments on the last topic were risen due to some church services I have recently visited as well as some good friends of mine.

My frustration lies with the church today. This is why I am still captivated by God and have not thrown my bible away. I read what God intended for us and I have realised where I fall short. The problem is when I read these books by early christian writers and revivalists, as well as my bible, a lot of things in the church dont make sense. As well as its people.

One of the reasons I left the church was due to the fact that ther was no power in peoples preaching and people carried on in their daily lives the same as everyone else, but felt the right to preach. I could not live like that, hence the struggle with the church and its people.

When is this "greatest failure"? My friend, I have tried to put as best in to writing the way in which my soul has cried and ached on the past. Bearing in my mind that my spelling is "atrocious" and I struggle to put my thoughts into words, nothing I say can describe what I went through in the 6 months after I walked away from God.

My greatest failure and struggle in my life was the time I walked away! It is something I have tried to forget but I cant.

I'm going to end by saying this.

I'm am not athiest, but I am not christian yet. I hold a belief and a desire for God. I do hold the desire for the christian God. It does burn in me but it is a struggle I am going through. I cannot deny God, but I cannot deny the things I have seen in this world.

I want God to be real, but just because I want Him to be, doesn't mean he is!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Delusion of Christians in their perception to the world

One thing that never siezes to amaze me is the way christians seem to be so ignorant to what is really happening in the world.

There always seems to be some biblical answer to everything, if there is not, we need to just have faith in God that he knows best and does everything for a reason.

They have created such an illusion in everything that they seem to always "praise God" for anything that happens. For christians God is the reason everything happens. Yet when something bad happens ,it was not God's will.

I have tried going back to church a few times but I am so tired of the whole "dreamy, head high up in the clouds" attitude.

After leaving the church , I went into some really dark places and I am happy to say that my eyes were opened to a whole other world that is completely different to what christians percieve it to be.

I am also tired of how christians preach as though they know exactly what the world is. Yet most of these people I have found in church have never really experienced anything in the world that would make their conversion and lifestyle anything significant.

"I was a sinner" , "I was lost" "without God there would be no point in living" are a few statements made. Yet when you query their lifestyle before they were christian, they were not much different.

I am not saying all christians are the same. Some of them have been raped, molested, been involved in drugs, drinking, anything you would like to conjure up. I do not see any reason in which a faith in God can be bad if it helps as a crutch and has made their lives for the better.

I look of websites and upcoming events in south africa and I see all these "life changing" conferences coming up. There us this "Passion" tour coming in South africa. When I was still in my youth group I remember these events had the same tags! "Life changing","Revival", they all had a "vision" that they were going to carry out for God.

For the past 8 years I have heard the word revival so many times it has become redundant. "Now is the time for revival", yeah, they said that 2 years ago. They are so convinced that God is moving in the world, gees, from my side I see it getting worse!

If you really look at the church, as I have seen in the past few years, all that happens is that people come and go. The numbers stay the same. One person leaves, another one joins. Give him a few months and he will also leave.

I was crying revival 5 years ago when everyone was convinced there was a huge movement of the Holy Spirit and the whole area was going to experience it! People were crying revival and change when the movie "The passion of Christ" came out. I remember people on the TV were telling us how the movie was going to change the world.

Carry on.... Carry on babbling in tongues, carry on convincing yourself that the Holy Spirit is moving. Carry on in your belief that the whole world is lost without you. Carry on in your belief that the world is hurting.

Carry on in your delusion that you are usefull to this world, because you have become so self centred in your opinions and so segregated from the world, there is really no use for you anymore. I dont think the world would notice if you disappeared. You were never there anyway!

Carry on....

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Response to Comment on " Flashbacks"

Just a quick response to Steve Heye's comment under my "Flashbacks" blog.

The query was this:

"I've been doing some research into the charismatic movement but I cannot find anyone who is willing to tell me about the charismatic movement in the Methodist church, and I wondered if you would mind helping me by telling me a bit about the church you were in, and where it was and what they did. If you think this will be too painful for you, I don't want to press you or anything. But it would help me a lot in my research if you would say something about it. "

My History may be slightly inaccurate on the methodist church as I have not been looking into it much as of late so I do apologise beforehand

It was founded by John Wesley. Now the Methodist is generally accepted as being very conservative in nature. John Wesley lived his life close to the word of God and was very methodical in his living. He would wake up at 4am to pray and would go to sleep the same time every night. He had structure in everything he did. Hence when he started up a revival, people who fell under his preaching became known as methodists.

I would think in my church and in other churches the same seemed to happen. We had the older congregation who resorted to hym's and "old style" church which seemed to be have been the same since the middle ages.

Yet, the youth in any church will get bored with this and look for more excitement.People get bored today too quickly. The church try to keep up with the world finding other ways to draw people in. The want to make God more personal .

It all started at our church when I came back from YWAM(Youth With A Mission), a mission group of all denonimations spread around the world. I had done my 6 month stint here in South Africa. Our Youth Leader had come from there aswell.

Now before I went I was strict in the word reading it daily and diligently. I believed strongly in evangelism and did not think much of the charismatic movement such as tongues, being slain in the spirit, etc. When I went to YWAM a whole other side was shown to me. People jumping, shouting, talking in tongues, falling over. This scared me a bit! I resisted all of this and carried on following the God I knew in the bible. Eventually I gave into this.

My youth leader and myself introduced this to the youth and it seemed to take off like a bomb. Seemed like (as it always does) that a revival was upon us. People in our youth were being slain in the spirit and were talking in tongues. This then creeped into the older congregation(those who were open to it)

It seemed to make us more accepted amongst more charismatic churches in the aread and therefore had youth rallies and met regularlily.

I found this is when I began to struggle in my faith. I couldnt seem to connect with God. It felt like that unless I had a physical reaction God was not moving. I could not figure out if I was really under the spirit or wether I was doing it myself.

One thing I definatly noticed was that people began to stop reading their bibles and relied more on what God was saying to them or how they were feeling. The doctrine seemed to step in that we needed to rely on the spirit.

There is no doubt that many churches such as the methodists are very hard at heart, black and white, bible bashing christians who need to break free in the grace of God but on the other end it seems that many churches are forgetting God's word and are moving into this realm of feeling and emotion and relying on what they "feel". A mans mind and heart is a dangerous playground and people need to be careful.

I dont know if I answered your question and I can expand more on what happened in these meetings and "soaking sessions" as we used to call them .

Anyway, Ill delve a little more into this subject after giving it a bit more thought

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Hi There

I know its been a long time. Well a lot has been up. Just thought I would drop a small comment.

Those of you who have read through my blogs would know the road I have walked.

Well I was just browsing on the internet and accidently stumbled across a post I made about 3 years ago. It is my testimony on my "deconversion"

I thought an update was due. You can see the original site here.

Here is what I posted, just to give you guys a picture about where I am at the moment.

"Hey, to anyone thats reads this.

This this Mark Fouche, the one that posted this testimony. I probably did this about 2-3 years ago.

Thanks to ALL your responses, they all made some contribution in my life.Just to keep you on the update, its been a LONG road. I mean things just didnt stop where I thought I might have wanted it to!

My thoughts and doubts and faith didnt stop , it carried on and my mind became even more boggled. There was a time where i became very indifferent of everything and couldnt care but it did not last long.I tried going to church a few times again, yet everytime I went I struggled and I could not listen to the preacher because I almost felt like he didnt know what he was talking about.

I tried reading my bible but then my logic would step back in and would break it down.

I could not resort to athiesm, something inside of me stil creates this burning for something more.

In some sense I have the feeling that I am missing something, almost like there is something not clicking into place. It is that same feeling that you have when you have forgotten the name of a song and you cannot remember it. You try and forget it but it bugs you the whole day. Its like your so close to finding it out you cannot just put it aside.

Something is wrong somewhere and I dont know what it is. I fear the fires of hell everyday yet my mind convinces me that God cannot exist. I am in such turmoil.I am becoming even more aware about how much shorter my life is looking.

Life does not seem an eternity anymore, it feels so delicate that it could disappear any minute.Im not back in church, I dont know if im christian, ive forgoten all the teachings but still know what matters.

I dont really know what to say."

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Nofx live in South Africa

Last night I had the chance to go and watch Nofx play live at the Wavehouse in Durban, South Africa. They are doing some sort of tour around the world taking video footage of some strange and weird places and for somehow, South Africa got caught up in it?

Lets just say it was awesome and I really awesome. They were opened up by Fuzigish at about 20H30 and then Nofx started at about ten finishing off at about 23H30. They played in Capetown on Friday night and will be going through to Joburg on to play on Monday and Tuesday night. Tickets have already sold out for the monday night!

There lineup of songs included ," Franco Un-American", "Linoleum", "Something Stickin' in my eye", "Leaving Jesusland" and of course "Leave it alone" among many others.

The mosh pit started the moment that first chord was struck and it was utter chaos! I thought it would die down but it didnt. I was in and out because it became fucking hard to breath. The whole thing was in a marquee that could not have been higher than two people. They played on the skate ramp so all the dust got kicked up and choked the place.

I must say the guys were pretty funny on stage and gave quite a few laughs.

The evening was cut short because the PA Blew or something. So as we all screaming out "Dont Call me white", the sound got cut and they had to stop. It took a while for it to sink in that they were finished and people slowly started leaving.

I just hope Nofx take this experience of playing in south africa as a good one and open the doors more bands to come through. I am still hoping to see bands like Antiflag, Pennywise and Bad Religion. Will just have to see I guess!
Thanks Nofx, fucking awesome!

Friday, November 09, 2007

Fuck it, I'm Back!

Hah! I didnt think I would ever blog again but I think I have been ables to gather a few lines of entertainment to put together some sort of blog.

I think I will start blogging again, well probably not as much as a I used to but I think my rantings and ravings are somewhat a breath of fresh air to those who thought their lives were really uninteresting, well , here I come.

The problem I ran into was that I did not have anything interesting to write about. I am sure you could see the past few blogs and think to yourself "WTF"?

Life hasn't change too much, its alright I guess. Been having some heavy nights and heavy morning hangovers but altogether im happy.

Im not going to say much tonight but will start updating a little more every day. Nofx is playing tomorrow night at the Wavehouse and Im there. Almost didnt buy my ticket, but I got one, and Im going punk in drublic!


Thursday, June 14, 2007

Pennywise - Some Videos


I dont have much to say other than this weekend is going to be really big due to the fact that everything seems to be happening on this weekend.

-South Africa vs Australia Rugby
-The Living Alarm playing at burn.

So for now I bid you farewell and should be posting many pictures next week on my memorable(by photo's) yer blurred weekend.

I want to leave you some videos of Pennywise which has been one of my longest favourite band to date. They have not posted any videos on their site since their new album release, which I dont know why. I preferred their older stuff but have grown into the new.

If you like fast paced, serious political punk this is the band for you. Most people who listen to Political punk will no doubt have at least one of their cd's lined up in their cd rack.

I think they have been playing for over 15 years now so their are pretty old but they are still striking hard. Some of their cd's include:

-The Fuse
-From The Ashes
-Land of the Free
-Live at the Key Club
-Straight Ahead
-About Time
-Full Circle
-Unknown Road

They also release one DVD call "Home movies". Its not too long(about 45 mins) but pretty good to watch. One section called "violence" is pretty funny as it shows people going moggy at shows and starting to go way over the top.

I own most of the CD'S and the DVD so I am proud to say I do support them and dont go around copying their shit. Staying in South Africa sucks because everything has to be imported. So each CD cost me about R220 .(about 30$)

Anyway, if you ask people about punk, this is one name that will always rise. Here are some videos of theirs.

"My God",Those of you who are pretty much against religion or have some sort of problem with it will probably enjoy this song, awesome video to watch.

We all know there is a problem with society now days, this is called society for a reason. Awesome video footage in here.

"Fuck Authority", this video was made for a reason!

"Homesick", once again more politics, awesome videos.

Live "God save the USA",I love this drummer from pennywise, he is still, in my eyes, one of the fastest drummers I have heard around.

They always manage to produce good footage in their videos.

They have slipped into the shadows somewhere because I havent heard from them in a while, but they are still going to be legends for years to come.

Until Monday


Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Senses Fail - Band Review

Ok, I told you I was going to post some videos of a band every week, so heres some more.

This is Senses Fail, a screamo/emo band which have really come out strong in America. I will not go into all the details about them yet due to the fact that I dont know much about them, I just like the music and the videos, sorry.

Anyway, your looking for a band in this genre give them a listen, some of their songs are really awesome but some I find just too poppy and no vibed up enough.Here some videos

"Calling all Cars"

"Buried a lie"(looks like something from "days of our lives"

"Bloody Romance"

"Cant be saved" - I really like this song, video is awesome aswell, bit of a twist ;)

Anyway, there are some videos for you

An Apologetic Theory

I am so sorry, I have not written anything worthwhile in about 2 weeks now, if not more. Due to my busy schedule and just plain laziness I have siezed writing on this blog. I will (try) start getting back into my routine again.

Nothing major has happened. I have just been keeping busy and I will go through some quick points rounding up how these past 2 weeks have been going.

1)Work is going well, a bit hectic due to the fact a lot of people have been taking off sick and I have had to fill their places during those times. It is all good and well but these guys get payed probably double what I get, so lets just say they get payed that for a very good reason!

2)Carla and I are still strong, things are going well.

3) There is now a digital camera in the house. I am stoked but once again, due to my laziness, I have not even updated my profile picture which is like 2 years old. Let alone what I have been doing these past few weeks.

4)These municipality strikes are pissing me off. I understand what they are striking for but why do they always have to go and fuck everything up in the process. Please grow a brain or just kill yourselves off,no need to fuck everyone elses lives and jobs by doing this.

5)Had Erins 21st this weekend, was pretty fun and was nice seeing her again. Its weird being out of the church for 2 years and not seeing half those for a while. One or two of them reminded me of what put me off the people in the church.

6)Just a thought on religion, nothing much at the moment. I get these waves that really make me want to believe and become christian again. Then I start remembering stuff which hardened my heart at the end of it and the desire is lost. Its an endless circle!

7)I have ordered Requiem for a Dream for myself and hopefully I should get it in the next month or two. I have it on computer but I tell so many people about it but can never lend it to them, so its time I got a copy. I also bought "Armageddon", "End of Days" and "Over the Hedge". Ok... not the wisest buys but I tend to be impulsive at times! Over the Hedge was worth it though. Still wanting to get a copy of "Goodwill Hunting".

8)We watched "Employee of the month" on friday which I thought was awesome. Its different, so its not everyones humour. We then went for drinks, and tequila's and then more drinks. I had to work on Saturday, lets just say It was a "blurry" experience.

9)I have sold my Citi Golf and bought a new car. I am stoked about it. I have bought a Polo Playa 1.4 sport. Those of you who may laugh at me I say Fuck you, I like my car. Unlike a lot of people in this life I actually worked really hard for it. Going from my Citi Golf(payed off) with 195000KM'S on the clock with signs of rust to a car that has 66000km's on the clock and is in warranty, I am happy. It is just another small step up, then I can trade that in for something better, and again, etc etc.

10)This saturday a crowd of us will be going down to Burn on saturday to watch "The Living Alarm" and "Sheepdown" play. It promises to be an awesome evening. I have got R10 off tickets for the door so let me know if your coming! Hope to see a big crowd!

11) I am tired now and I am now going to sleep. Please have a fantastic evening and I will get back into the move of things with my blog,Im sorry.


Thursday, May 31, 2007

Counting Sheep

I do apologise for my absence for almost two weeks but I have a very good reason. I am tired! I have not stopped and will probably fall asleep by the time I finish this blog.

That is why I am saying goodnight and I will update this weekend with a few blogs. There just are not enough hours in the day to sleep